Advertising: The Good, The Bad and The Pointless

56% of people claim that advertising has no effect on them. Actually I made that up because I couldn’t find any relevant statistical evidence. Anyway, today I saw an example of advertising that disproves my own fabricated claims. Today I saw advertising perform at its most fundamental level.

Projecting from the endless sea of citizens suffering in silence, was a sign. Wooden, it stood tall like a ship’s mast. It hung in the air. BoldBright. Offering a glimmer of saturated colour in a desolate wasteland of grey, corporate lunchtimes. Orange erupted above the conflux, exhibiting a clear message:

£1.49 Sandwich and Filling!

I watched as a man approached. He was of relatively small demeanour. Worn, dishevelled, he look as if he was in need of a sandwich but it was clear that the idea of investing in one had not entered his mind. Until that is, he saw the board.

He stopped. I watched his eyes narrow and his pupils flicker from

left                                                                 to                                                              right

as he carefully absorbed the erudition. Upon consummation of this propaganda I saw his eyebrows flutter toward the sky and his lips arch upward as he nodded, in both acknowledgement and agreement. Conveyed through a myriad of facial contortion, I witnessed that instantaneous moment of decisiveness.

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Death by Pants Off Dance Off

Imagine if television broadcast nothing but top quality shows. Explosive action, emotive drama, cutting comedy. Hour after hour after hour. Nothing but the best. For you. For me. For everyone. Just take a second to process that thought. Your only trouble would be finding the time to watch everything, because everything is must-see TV. You couldn’t get a DVR with a big enough hard-drive!

There is literally nothing on that doesn’t appeal to you. Every one of the hundreds of channels is packed with incredible shows. Your every televisual whim is catered for. Imagine what great cultural taste we’d have as a race. Imagine what we’d learn, see and enjoy. TV Heaven on Earth.

Crucially, there is one problem with this theory – what would the stupid watch? They need something. We can’t just lock them away and allow their genes to wither and die because apparently that’s ‘wrong’. That’s why for every – The Sopranos, for every The Wire and for every Mad Men there is unfortunately – Pants Off Dance Off.

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