The Return of Art Attack

This is an art attack. This is an art attack. This is – not quite what I remember…

Four years have passed since the minds of the nation’s children were stimulated in any meaningful or creative way. Since then the imaginations of our children have been allowed to shrivel into a shallow grey paste of vacancy. Their collective creative skills allowed to wilt into little more than a limp attempt at self-expression. Something had to be done. Not only to preserve the sales of PVA glue. But to preserve the humanity of the next generation.

Thankfully our plight has been answered.

Continue reading

Advertisements

Misdiagnosis – Royal Wedding Fever…

Writhing around in bed, sweating disdain from every pore. Kicking off the covers only to haul them over your sorry carcass again seconds later. Moaning and groaning under the immense weight of your own self-loathing. Fevers are not particularly pleasant. But alas we insist on attributing them to our national events. Surely somewhere within our amalgamation of other languages, somewhere within the pages of the Oxford English Dictionary, there are alternative words with altogether less negative connotations than this…

Fevernoun

an abnormally high body temperature, usually accompanied by shivering, headache and in severe instances; delirium.

Jolly good.

Continue reading

ITV’s The Cube: An Abundance of Acrylic

What do you get when a terrestrial television channel has an empty prime-time slot, a mysterious gymnast, and acrylic plastic surplus to requirement?

ITV‘s prime-time, acryli-fest gameshow – The Cube. That’s what.

Back for a second series The Cube fulfils the part of ITV‘s remit that clearly states the must utilise the abundance of Poly[methyl methacrylate] stored within the warehouse since Simon Cowell’s Plastic Death Dungeon of Doom was officially decommissioned in late 1997. Oh, you didn’t see that one?

Continue reading