Facebook Ultimatums

Facebook, first you insult my levels of social aptitude by implying I’m lonely, and now you’re offering me ultimatums?!? Well guess what, I don’t play by the rules. I don’t even know the rules. I don’t even know what game we’re playing.

Facebook has formed a barrier between me and internet freedom. Standing betwixt me and every climax, preventing my perusal of every punch line, restraining my attempted ascent to the summit of every internet witticism, is the same thing.

Facebook is holding content ransom. The price? A like.

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Must Obey Apple

Hey you. Yes you. I wanna sex you up. DUM? DUSL? IF/IB?

Sorry. That was awfully forward of me wasn’t it? In future, would you like to prevent the distribution of these sickening, sexual slurs?

Fear not fascist parents of the free world – there’s an app for that. Once again it’s Apple to the rescue. For never again shall we be exposed to the toxic indignity of forbidden inflections and the radioactive sickness of sexual syntax. Thanks be to Jobs. Amen.

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