Are We Asking To Be Stalked?

Despite a world in which anything is possible, sometimes I get bored with it all. Sometimes Mythbusters isn’t on the Discovery Channel. Sometimes Top Gear isn’t on Dave. Sometimes over 200 channels of globally available cable television isn’t enough.

It is in these moments that we must turn to the more macabre methods of self-amusement. It is then that we must undertake a solitary hobby. A hobby that requires the participation of two, but only the application and awareness of one.

I am of course talking about – stalking.

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Death by Pants Off Dance Off

Imagine if television broadcast nothing but top quality shows. Explosive action, emotive drama, cutting comedy. Hour after hour after hour. Nothing but the best. For you. For me. For everyone. Just take a second to process that thought. Your only trouble would be finding the time to watch everything, because everything is must-see TV. You couldn’t get a DVR with a big enough hard-drive!

There is literally nothing on that doesn’t appeal to you. Every one of the hundreds of channels is packed with incredible shows. Your every televisual whim is catered for. Imagine what great cultural taste we’d have as a race. Imagine what we’d learn, see and enjoy. TV Heaven on Earth.

Crucially, there is one problem with this theory – what would the stupid watch? They need something. We can’t just lock them away and allow their genes to wither and die because apparently that’s ‘wrong’. That’s why for every – The Sopranos, for every The Wire and for every Mad Men there is unfortunately – Pants Off Dance Off.

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