Are We Asking To Be Stalked?

Despite a world in which anything is possible, sometimes I get bored with it all. Sometimes Mythbusters isn’t on the Discovery Channel. Sometimes Top Gear isn’t on Dave. Sometimes over 200 channels of globally available cable television isn’t enough.

It is in these moments that we must turn to the more macabre methods of self-amusement. It is then that we must undertake a solitary hobby. A hobby that requires the participation of two, but only the application and awareness of one.

I am of course talking about – stalking.

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Facebook Ultimatums

Facebook, first you insult my levels of social aptitude by implying I’m lonely, and now you’re offering me ultimatums?!? Well guess what, I don’t play by the rules. I don’t even know the rules. I don’t even know what game we’re playing.

Facebook has formed a barrier between me and internet freedom. Standing betwixt me and every climax, preventing my perusal of every punch line, restraining my attempted ascent to the summit of every internet witticism, is the same thing.

Facebook is holding content ransom. The price? A like.

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Facebook Thinks I’m Lonely

Time works differently for technological advancement. It’s like dog years. A hundred tech years ago machines were only capable of performing singular demands. Since then our programming capabilities and electrical engineering has become increasingly complex, to the stage where not only can machines perform a selection of separate actions, they can adjust their actions according to input and environment.

Gymnasium equipment and machinery can measure our heartbeat and performance and adjust the difficulty of our training accordingly. My Macbook Pro has sensors that detect light and adjust the brightness of my screen accordingly.

And now, through the wonder of modern technology our computers can diagnose depression. Galactic sophistication has allowed my keyboard to secretly collect minuscule secretions from my fingertips as I type, measure my serotonin levels and calculate my social stimulation. Then, after mere seconds of scientific testing a conclusion is reached. My diagnosis is in. Ladies and gentlemen:

Facebook thinks I’m lonely.

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The Glowing Reputation of Advertising

You’re at your local supermarket. ASDA, Morrisons, Tesco, or if you’re socio-economically superior – Waitrose. You peruse the same products, on the same shelves every single week. Mindlessly and mechanically using your winch-like extremities to pick up and deposit the same items into the same wheeled cage that you have for the last 20 years.

With the robotic monotony of supermarket shop shelving it’s very difficult for brands to break your habits and persuade you to buy something new, something you have never bought before. When every product looks the same as it did last week, and your tunnel vision takes you up and down the same aisles, to the same multipacks of crisps and teabags, how can brands catch your eye?

Well I’ll tell you – they make their products literally glow.

Introducing eCoupled, courtesy of Fulton Innovation

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