Nicki Minaj Wants You Dead

If you’re reading this, I thank you. You are my demographic. You possess an elevated level of cultural awareness, and as such will not struggle to grasp my syntactic tonality.

You are impartial. You are intelligent. You are informed. As such, you have declined the many proposals of popular culture. It matters not what you declined in favour of, only that you didFor this you have paid a price. For now you possess a pejorative quality akin only to those able to reject the things others so dearly embrace. You are my demographic. You are a hater.

Urban Dictionary contains a library of different definitions for the word hater. Many seem to attempt to clearly define the word in an unbiased manner. Others are clearly definitions written by the very people who have contributed to the birth of the word. The definition which best secures my standing as a hater is this:

A label applied to people who are more negative than positive when discussing another person. It most commonly refers to individuals whose negativity is so extreme that it is all-consuming. However, there are various levels and forms of being a hater, ranging from completely dismissing any positive traits or actions, to merely painting a less than flattering picture by using words with negative connotations. Hating is often attributed to jealousy, but just as often, it seems to stem from some other source.

Chuck Swirsky

Let us assume that I am a hater. How can I remedy this situation? What must I do to rid myself and those around me from this ugly and evil emotion? Nicki Minaj has a suggestion. She thinks I should kill myself.

Stepped up in the party like my name was “that bitch”,

All these haters mad because I’m so established,

They know I’m a beast, yeah I’m a fucking savage,

Haters you can kill yourself.

That’s right. Nicki Minaj wants me dead. Apparently her standing as a chart-topping, incomprehensibly popular R&B and hip-hop artist angers me, and in a blind spasm of unadulterated rage I should cave in my skull using the nearest weighty object, which happens to be a copy of Roy M. Prendergast’s Film Music: A Neglected Art.

Nicki didn’t request that I end my life in such pretentious fashion, I’m sure she’d settle for a bullet to my brain. Unfortunately I don’t own a gun. Regardless, with me out of the way she can continue her ascent to the summit of whatever metaphorical mountain she’s currently climbing without my hatred hindering her progress.

But by ending my life I would not be ending my hindrance of Nicki Minaj’s career. You see, despite their repeated call for my death, it seems that artists love their haters. My suicide would be robbing Nicki Minaj, Jay-Z, Kanye West et al. of a valuable asset. There seems to be a warped universal opinion that to be hated somehow provides an unprecedented momentum that propels a person past the paltry social status of their peers.

Where are my haters? I love all my haters.

I agree that to be hated can be a good thing. They say there’s no such thing as bad publicity. To be hated is certainly more complimentary than to be ignored. This perhaps, is why pop stars so frequently address and accuse haters, because they cannot bear the thought that there are people out there who don’t feel anything at all toward them.

Hate used to be such a strong word but insecurity has lead to its dilution.

Hate – verb

to dislike intensely or passionately; feel extreme aversion for or extreme hostility toward.

Since the advent of the term – hater, all this has changed. The purity of hate has been corrupted by a social abscess that weeps and pulsates within a popular culture that doesn’t know what’s good for it.

The burning fire that formerly represent hatred has been extinguished. The flame has faded such, so that all that’s required to be accused of hatred is a dim, flickering speck of disinterest. By redefining the word we can attribute an extreme emotion to another person, thus increasing our own ability to provoke reaction and divide opinion.

In order to convey my point I shall elicit the help of my friend – chemistry. Love and hate are the extremes of human feelings. On the pH scale of human emotion hate is acidic lying at 0 and love is alkaline, found at 14.

 Hate                                                                                                                               Love

0       1       2       3       4       5       6       7       8       9       10       11       12       13       14

It’s often said that there is a thin line between love and hate. As this scale clearly demonstrates, this simply isn’t true. Particularly with regards to musical taste.

There is not a thin line between love and hate. There is, in fact, a Great Wall of China with armed sentries posted every 20 feet between love and hate.

Dr. Gregory House

For anyone to presume they possess the ability to evoke such extreme emotions from me is arrogant. In most cases, most people warrant only a 7. You are neutrality. You mean nothing to me. You are nothing to me.

Though I dislike the majority of pop music, to say that I hate the artists would present a ravine which my imagination does not possess the ability to leap. I don’t hate Kanye West. I don’t hate Nicki Minaj. The reality is that these artists evoke little to no emotion from me because I simply don’t think about them.

I can tolerate the usage of the term hater from hugely popular stars, because I can understand why some people may dislike them. What I can’t tolerate is people like this and this.

Fuck haters. No, fuck you. Why don’t you show me some talent, and maybe I’ll appreciate it, instead of just insisting that the reason you’re doomed to failure is because of all the haters keepin’ you down.

I have news for you. Nobody hates you. Nobody knows who the fuck you are.

Nobody’s keeping you down. You’re kept down by the weight of your self-righteous expectations of what the world should be doing to aid your success. Get the fuck up and go make something of yourself. Then, and only then are you licensed to declare anyone a hater. For then and only then, will you have done something important enough for anyone to even think about.

The type of person to use the term is exactly the type of person to read this piece and instantly misinterpret it as hate. This is an irrational assumption. This is an analysis, albeit a haphazard one, of hate itself.

Through said analysis I have concluded that the use of the term – hater, is a self-defense mechanism. It’s a cop-out. It’s a term people resort to when they are bettered by an opinion to which they cannot offer reasonable contention. A term people hide behind when challenged. A term people use as an excuse for their own shortcomings. By their definitions, yes, you are a hater.

By my definition. You are not a hater. You are my demographic. Thank you.


Article first published as Nicki Minaj Wants You Dead on Technorati.


9 thoughts on “Nicki Minaj Wants You Dead

  1. Dear Mac,

    God damnit, that was great, cathartic even. Man, love your work for many reasons, but I particularly like when you’ve got something bothering you to communicate, ha, ha. I’ll certainly never hear the term the same way again, and I have acquaintances who will hear about this to be sure.

    When I got the subscriber email that shows the title and the opening lines, I was busy writing, myself, and in a fairly serious mood. I laughed outright, though, and my day has been much more pleasant since. Thanks for the witty syntax; I’m your demographic.

    With Mirth,


    • Much appreciated, Both.

      It’s not a jibe against Minaj in particular. She just provided the most outrageous example of the terms usage. I mean, “kill yourself”! C’mon, a bit harsh.

      I discovered so many examples whilst researching for this. But many of the artists expressing their well-articulated sentiments regarding ‘haters’ I’d never actually heard of. Which proves some of my points really. Though artists that I’ve never heard of are at least probably connected to some sort of niche, rather than mainstream chart stuff. So for that, I applaud them. Not that they wouldn’t sell out if they ever got the opportunity, the bastards.

      I digress. Thanks for the comment Both. I’m glad you enjoyed it. I hope Nicki Minaj herself stumbles across it one day. That’d be hilarious.


  2. Not bad Mac, but no one cares about what these artists have to say and more importantly, no one cares what you have to say about what they have to say. Because what they have to say is, quite frankly, shit.

    I will say that I enjoy the writing though. Much better than I, for sure.

    • I do my best, ha. You’re right, they do have exclusively shit to say but I like to think I can twist it until it becomes vaguely amusing.

      Thanks for the kind words.


  3. Haters need motivation above all. I think what compels anyone to become a hater is the fun factor. If there weren’t billions of Justin Bieber jokes, would you be hating him as much as you hate him now?

    As much as haters motivate artists, they also make the internet a lot more fun. I wouldn’t be hater if this hate does not give me a little bit of satisfaction.

    Note: What’s wrong with Kanye’s music? Sure, he’s a douche, but he’s a talented douche.

    • I just don’t agree with the simplicity of the term hater. I mean, am I a hater just because I don’t like something? I wouldn’t buy Justin Bieber’s music, Christ I’d rather hack off my own ears with a rusty machete, but I don’t hate the kid really.

      Like I said, by anyone else’s definition, I and millions of others are haters. But as far as I’m concerned I’m just some cynical British guy who doesn’t like contemporary music.

      As for our friend Kanye, I never said I don’t like his music. Which is funny actually, because I don’t, haha. But I’ve nothing against his music per sei. I’m just not into it. As I type this I’m listening to the finest thrash metal of 1984. So it’s clear to see I don’t fit the demographic for Kanye, Minaj or Which isn’t to say I don’t like rap. I’m digressing. As usual.

      It’s not just me though right, “haters you can kill yourself” is an outrageous lyric!

      Thanks for reading Henshinger.

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